Dear Mary

by Vanessa Martinez

Dear Mary,

I know I haven’t been the best father or even the best husband and I’m sorry for that. This prison ain’t a lifestyle I want or can handle. I’m scared Mary. Never thought a thug like me {would} be scared of anything or anyone but I am. The struggle of not being able to sleep knowing I have to watch my back ‘cause they might try to hurt me or kill me in my sleep. Knowing I cannot shower without being scared that someone might sneak up on me. 

The guards here are assholes. They could be watching someone get beat up and not do a thing about it. The only guard that I respect s Mr. Johnson, he won't tolerate no one{‘s} bullshit. He’s big like the Hulk {odd reference for someone in 1800’s!}, and he’s been in trouble with the law his whole life, till he decide{d} to change it around. I want to be able to do the same as soon as I get out, change my life around and do you and the kid’s right. I want to earn money the eight way, no more bullshit, no more ‘cause it’s not worth being locked up for. Not long ago I witness{ed} a young fellow hang himself a month after he’s {he’d} been here, he was just 21, for a crime he wasn’t aware of. When I get out I’m going to be a New and Better man than I ever was. I’m not a man because of the life I’ve been through, it’s the outcome that counts. Tell the kids I love them, and you Mary, for always sticking by my side and dealing with my hardheaded ass knowing I put you through so much pain, yet you don't deserve any of it. I promise you I’ll be a changed man ‘cause I never want to be back here. I love you very much, thank you for being my rock.




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